This morning, I had another appointment (sometimes it’s hard to schedule them actually seven days apart) and my blood pressure was now 136/86. First thing in the morning, before even going into work, my bp was worse than at the end of the long, stressful week last week. My midwife told me she wants me taking rest breaks during the day and to stop working as soon as possible so that I can take it easy: really easy. Ugh.
Stressing about my blood pressure, and stressing about stressing are certainly not going to help matters, so now I have to find some way to cool. the hell. down. Even though work is a mess. Even though my replacement doesn’t know everything he needs to know. Even though I really don’t know what sort of job I’ll be coming back to. Even though I may actually be getting screwed on vacation days because the whole administration is such a mess. Even though I don’t even want to go back after my year is up because I don’t really care for my job as it stands now, and I really don’t want to put a toddler in 40 hour/week daycare, but there’s no other way for us to make ends meet.
I have a bunch of lectures given by Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist master on my ipod. He has this great voice, and speaks about being zen in a, well, very zen way. I’m going to listen to those, I’m going to relax in a bath, I’m going to start swimming, I’m going to spend more time with my feet up, knitting, and I am not going to worry about how work is going to turn out. And the opera; yeah, let’s not even think about that one. It’s a mad-house. But I can’t worry about it. I need to prioritize, like a parent should.